A Golf Story…

Wife: “Where the hell have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon.”

Husband: “I’m so sorry Honey…but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”

Wife: “I want the truth, and I want it NOW!”

Husband: “Fine. We finished in under 4 hours; a quick beer in the Clubhouse I hopped into the car, and would have been here by 12 noon but on the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course I refuse it, then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton and begs me to stop by so she can buy me a beer She’s such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it, one beer turned into three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room right there at the Sheraton, less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I’m in her room…clothes are flying…the talking stopped and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it, the clock says 5:30. I jump up, throw my clothes on, run to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth… You got it.

Wife: “Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn’t you?”

Original source unknown.

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
I described a typical day this way:

“Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk,
About 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake.
I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes
I avoided standing on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills.

I took a few ‘leaks’ behind some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all I drank eight beers”.

Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
“You must be one hell of an outdoors-man!”

“No,” I replied, “just a shitty golfer”.